Black Self-Allyship/Self-Accompliceship - Self-Care as Radical Resistance and Fuel for the Revolution

Yes, I know, ACCOMPLICESHIP is not a word. But I made it one. And it’s just one of many things I’ve added to the ever-growing list of things that involve allowing my intuition and needs to challenge the status quo. I DO WHAT I WANT.

And I’ve been seeing a ton of toolkits and efforts for non-Black allies, hoping to do the same. Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy that this important work is happening around us.

But I also know you’re tired, sis. I’m tired too. And while we have reached a portion of the journey where the river seems to flow a bit more quickly, I also know that we have been on this journey since long before now and we have so far to go. It will continue to ebb and flow. It is long and winding and we can never entirely know what lies ahead.

We have experienced trauma, collectively, individually. We are fighting to survive a global pandemic. The fight for our lives rages on, even if it changes focus from time to time.

This is definitely one of those, “Put your oxygen mask on first,” type situations that you generally ignore while thinking about your cocktail after boarding a plane. You cannot continue this fight if you are not well. You cannot shine bright in the darkness if you’re burned out. We do not want to have to do it without you. We need you.

 And I’ve been thinking about how to support you, to support me. 

So, I thought about what might be helpful for us to care for ourselves as we navigate the mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion that comes from continuing to live in a state of exacerbated trauma?

I made my own list, and I asked some amazing folks whom I admire including Black femme doulas, therapists, parents, academics, teachers, and other such delicious humans about how they are caring for themselves right now. And this is what we found:

Organizations/Groups to Know and Follow:

The Nap Ministry

Black Girl Self Care

Therapy for Black Girls

What Are We Reading?

The Water Dancer, Ta-nahesi Coates

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, Issa Rae

ain’t I a woman: black women and feminism, bell hooks

Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents, Octavia Butler

Becoming, Michele Obama (even though she’s messing with my man)

The Daily Stoic: 365 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living, Ryan Holiday

What Are We Listening To?

Why Don’t You, Cleo Soul

Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, Itunes

The Lion King Soundtrack, Beyonce (and whoever else was involved)

The Hamilton Soundtrack

What Are We Watching?

Insecure, HBO

That’s So Raven is, “…the bizniz.”

Billions

Black Monday

The Chi

Blindspot

McGuyver

Magnum P.I.

How to Get Away With Murder

Action movies

What Are We Doing? What Are We Enjoying?

LAUGHING. As much as humanly possible. Memes. Movies. Friends. Family. Laughing until I cry.

Watching shows that we have already seen before. One brilliant mind says, “Watching new stuff and not knowing how it ends makes me anxious. So I watch things I’ve already seen for now.”

 Limiting screen time.

Listening to bomb ass music

Eating mad fruit and drinking water

Staying connected to my line sisters

Getting up early when I can just sit with myself

Finding new recipes and cooking

Limiting exposure to news and traumatic images. It’s okay to log off, to not watch that snuff film, to NOT READ THE COMMENTS.

Being deliberate about our current role in the revolution. It takes all kinds. And from time to time we might find that those roles switch because of the nature of our lives. For example, I am working hard to allow my kids joy, to continue to provide therapy as they bravely navigate these challenges, to care for myself. And so while years ago I wouldn’t have missed a march, these days my work looks a lot like caring for others. And that’s okay. Are you a writer? A reader? An orator? A nurturer? A fundraiser? We need you. There is no shame in knowing what you can offer, and in knowing what you cannot.

Saying NO.

Drinking my water!

Tracy’s Dog Vibrator

Journaling

Being outside

Prayer

Bible reading

Sewing

Riding my bike

Having monthly healing circles with my girls

Basking in my auntie status

Making art

Sex

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Going to therapy and taking my meds

Looking at websites to visualize a positive outlook

Putting mad effort into a budding relationship

Naps

Netflix and Disney +

Feel free to share what you have found in the comments below. You are loved. You are worthy. 

Go sit down somewhere and breathe.